I’m not sure I ever thought today would ever get here. When you set a goal that is 5 years out it’s hard to imagine it ever coming to an end. The goal I’m talking about is my Restored Life goal. Five years ago I sat down with pen and paper, made a list of what I wanted to change about my health, body, weight and attitude. The list was long and lengthy and without question I had my doubts I could get to the finish line. With every day, week and month that passed I slowly saw things change. The times I changed made it easy to stay on track. The times I stalled made it hard to stay on track. Clearly I stayed the course and I’ve crossed the finish line.
Well here we are on the night of my 5 year anniversary of my surgery. I have never in my life felt so many emotions about one moment in my life as I do tonight. Accomplishment for what I have achieved, tired from all the work I’ve put in, fear that I could stumble back into my old ways and even anger for letting myself get to 304 lbs in the first place. There are so many more emotions it’s all coming at me in droves. I’ve cried today, laughed and at one point felt lost. I’ve been in drive mode to get to that 5 year goal. Now I have to switch gears to stabilizing and maintaining. New territory and new goals always keep life interesting.
The day I saw my primary care Doctor and he was so rude about my weight I was my biggest at 304lbs. Over the next couple of weeks or so I starved myself down to 284. I didn’t want to be over 300lbs when I went into the weight loss doctors. Why I don’t know I was still large, unhealthy and miserable. It was a moment of humiliation when I got on those scales. A moment I hope that I never forget.
I’m ask all the time what gave me the willpower to stick to it and not give up. I wish I had a wise answer so I could make it easier for others but I don’t. For me it was a combination of many things. My health, family and failure was all in that heavy box I was toting around. I didn’t want my health to be bad so my family was burdened or worse I died young. I have a real fear of failure. Knowing that if I didn’t succeed it would be all out there for all to see. That was more than I could take. So it really wasn’t an options to fail.
I got lucky I had an amazing man that saved my life. He didn’t let me get lazy. I followed all his rules even the ones I thought were hard to do. It wasn’t easy at times and the first year I thought what the heck have I done. I couldn’t eat much but my brain was still fat LaTonya. That by far was the hardest thing to shut off. Over a period of time my cravings and brain lined up with my new life style and eating. Now at 5 years it’s easy to keep inline. When I do step out of my little box of healthy eating it’s easy to step by inline.
In May of this year that amazing doctor that saved my life retired his practice. I’ll be honest when I say I’m still a little lost without him and his crew. I miss knowing they have my back and I could call them anytime. He referred me to a good doctor and I’m still walking that line. With all that said this past 5 years has passed rather quickly but not without a crumble and fall a few times. I’ve learned to pick myself up and gather my thoughts.
My goal was to have weight loss surgery, learn to eat right, exercise consistently, have the skin removal surgery and above all learn to love myself again. Something I hadn’t done in a very long time. If all of those things were on a list I could check them all off. I’m there, I made it and I’m never going back to that unhappy, overweight and hating myself person again. Tonight I celebrate with a Chloe Bar one of those new things in my life. My new goals are set so look out world here I come!
THESE ARE SO YUMMY. I BUY THEM AT WALMART.
