Every day of our lives we have expectations from the simplest things to major parts of our lives. Expectations are good but if you dwell on them to much they can become a part of your reality in your head and that’s when you get into trouble. Expectations are just that a reasonable thought of what is to come but could and will change.
All through our lives we build up expectations. A few of my earliest memories are the night before Christmas, the week before the first day of school and the expectations of a visit to my grand parents. As I got older expectations took on more of a role in my life before dates, school and church events and the expectations as to how my parents would punish me for a mess up. These expectations were formed before any of these events were lived. The thought of what will happen and how it will play out in our lives is much like dreaming. Sometimes it plays out just as we thought which makes us happy. There are times when the event doesn’t meet the expectation and this can be disappointing. If I’m honest, when that happens I don’t handle things well, I become quite and a bit withdrawn. I need space and time to catch up to what is happening. If I open my mouth and speak before I let that happen I’m only speaking from my hurt and disappointment. If I give myself the time to let my heart catch up the results of my words are softer and more loving.
I had expectations as to how my life would be as an adult and boy oh boy was I ever off. I had plans to live in Paris and to be nothing other than an artist. I was going to travel all the time with no real address and the only way to follow me or find me was to look for the next art gallery I would show at. I didn’t really plan on being married with kids or teaching. I was gonna just be an artist and that would be my one and only true love. As I said boy oh boy was I ever wrong. In walked a handsome young man in uniform and that was that. I had new expectation for my marriage and then for my kids. My kids were born and before they were 2 I knew what I expected for those tiny little people. Oh they had no choice because my exceptions for their lives would be fabulous. My life was going to be a perfect fairy tale, with the perfect kids or that is the way my expectations laid it all out for me. Never a problem, never an issue and most certainly not any different from what was in my head. So many turns and up hill battles along with some smooth sailing and high-five moments. But there is the mist of all the smooth sailing and high-five moments were the broken expectations.
Getting over expectations of things so important like your marriage, jobs, friends and your kids can be hard to deal with. It takes time to separate out expectations from the reality of what is happening. Recently I had an event in my life that the expectations didn’t meet up with the reality of the moment. It’s hard to take a step back and say this is not how I planned this and see what is going on is okay. My heart has been broken over broken expectations. So many dreams, so much planning all the while your dreams are headed straight for “it ain’t gonna Happen”. That is when you have to take that step back and say okay now what?
The event in my life, well it’s still playing out. I have taken that step back and I’m giving it all thought. When I do speak up I’ll be all prayed up. I’ll be ready to speak with love and tenderness when the time is right. Until then I will sit back and watch and learn from what I hear. I’m gonna pray for wisdom of words so that I don’t hurt when I do speak. We all have expectations, it’s how we deal with them when they don’t reach the level we put them at. I want to be a part of this event and share this moment with the ones I love. I need to grow myself past the hurt and worries I have, so I will prepared to be supportive. Life is so complicated at times, but yet so fulfilling at other times. I guess that it’s a checks and balance from birth to death. We just need to learn to grow with life and not weigh it down with disappointment. I hope this hump day finds you very Blue Happy with the expectation that today will be fantastic.
