Everyday we all walk a different path. Today was great, but tomorrow and the next day can be a hill to climb. Lately, I’ve had so many ups and downs. Days that make me cry and days that cause me to drop to my knees and count my blessings. Just when you think that all is going well a storm of thunder rolls in and knocks you down. How many times in my life have I had to crawl because life has gotten me down? Yet, how many times can I look back and see it was all part of the bigger picture and God’s plan? Everytime.
I’m not much of a TV watcher unless it’s HGTV or the DIY channel. I do have a confession though, my dear sweet Greg is a reality show junky. Not the ones about meeting your spouse or housewives but the competitive kind. His favorite is Big Brother. He is convinced he could win that if given a chance. Not in this lifetime, Greg, not under my watch. He also likes the music shows as well. The other night I did sit down with him to watch American Idol. There was a young girl on the show that was auditioning. She came from poverty, homeless and without much to offer but her God-given talent. Her church paid for her to come, bought her a guitar and gave her support. I was touched that even in the dim lights of her life she was willing to fight for a chance to give more of herself in this life. It was humbling to watch and quiet the blessing to take in.
I didn’t grow up terribly poor, though money wasn’t abundant. Times were hard and I do remember those times. There were other events in my life that forever changed me and made me want more out of life. I demanded respect as a person and wanted to have control over my life. In the midst of it all I held on to “it’s got to get better”. I would tell myself this can’t be how your life will always be. I always felt no matter what was happening God had a better path for me. I wanted to be an artist, have a family, a home and feel unconditional love. I wanted more than anything to have that fairytale life that all little girls dream of. I held on and here I am in my fairytale and living a version of my dream I couldn’t even imagine for myself.
Many times, I’m asked what happened to me when I was a little girl. I most often answer I really don’t want to talk about it. I have shared it with some but not many. I’ve crawled, scratched and pulled myself out of the misery. It was a choice, NOT a given, that my life would turn around. I just knew I wanted to build a life that would be greater than the one I found myself in. When you are young we all have people to help us along and others that drag us down. I refused to give up on my dream of that fairytale life. That life hasn’t come without cost and without loss. I’ve had to make choices that most might not agree with, but in the end, I take accountability for my life and I will answer for those choices.
These days friendship, marriages and our relationship with God have become disposable. It’s sad to see how people don’t keep themselves accountable for what is failing in their lives. It’s way too easy to blame others. It’s easy to say “I’m not sure what went wrong”, I didn’t do anything” or my favorite “it’s their problem, not mine”. There is never a one way street in any broken relationship. There are always two sides to every story. I can come up with all kinds of reasons why I was not at fault and some of those are firm reasons. Like I was a child when this happened I didn’t have the knowledge to fight the problem. Now I’m an adult and I’ve handled this with silence and distance. Not the best choice but a choice that I felt was safe.
Life is a battle for sure, but God is sovereign. Those bad moments make you stronger and those good moments give you hope. Love should be unconditional not “I love you…only if.” We need to look within ourselves to see what our part of the problem is. We need to own up to it. Sometimes that can change a relationship for the good but sometimes it will fall on deaf ears. Every day is a gift and not one to be taken lightly. You can put paint on anything to update it and make it look better, but in the end underneath the paint, the piece of furniture is still the same. As imperfect humans, we can work to fix the problems and choose to move forward with a restored life.
