The question “who are you” often runs through my mind. Just when I think I got this life thing figured out I round a corner of questions. You would think in my 50’s I’d pretty much have it all figured out, nope not yet. I often think, did I miss a turn or the mark on who and what I should be at this point in my life. Most of the time I over think things and I’m pretty sure that is happening tonight. Maybe it was graduation watching all those kiddo’s cross the stage so hopeful and wide-eyed. Maybe it’s watching my grand babies grow so fast. I just don’t wanna come to the end of my rainbow and realize I missed a turn, an adventure or a blessing.
I really don’t think I will ever be one of those people who sits down and lets life happen right in front of me. I want to be in the middle of it all. I want to experience the love, hurt, pain, the bad and the good. I want to try things I’ve never tried before. I want many first time’s and many “oh my gosh” moments. I want to watch life through my grand babies eyes and all their first. Sitting down and sitting out isn’t an options for me. As I’ve gotten older I realize how precious life is and how quickly it is taken away. Watching a student’s life cut short at the age of 16 changed me forever. I will never be the same but I don’t want her death to be something the limits me. I want to honor her life and the way she loved life by living it to its fullest.
I’ve been asked repeatedly are you watching the wedding this weekend. The answer is no I’m not watching the wedding. It doesn’t interest me one bit. I’m happy for the couple that they found love, but I’m more interested in living my own reality. Having people who are in your life say they are worried about you because I’m working so hard is comforting. I want to work hard every day so when I lay my head on my pillow I know I full filled my day with accomplishments. This week is art camp and I’ve never been more tired. I always start this week thinking there is no way I’ll make it. After the first day my thoughts are you just might be okay.
Everyone has the power to push through things. Sometimes it’s just right under the skin and other times you have to dig and dig deep. Most of the time after running at 4am and then taking a class I think I’ll never make it through my art classes 9am to 4pm. I dig deep put on mascara and before I know it’s 4pm and car pool time. I’m not a power super women. I’m know who I am and that’s LaTonya a christian, wife, mom, Lolli, artist, teacher and lover of life that is full. When you don’t want to move make yourself, when you don’t wanna deal with the day and people do it anyway. When you think you are just done and wanna go to bed stay up and push through. You have nothing to lose but only a full life to gain.
