If I’m being honest I struggled with today’s blog. I always want to blog about happy things and uplift my readers. Today is the first time my blog wasn’t ready and I had no idea what it would be about. I had many projects and blogs prepared but “Struggling” was setting heavy on my heart. We all do it, some show it openly, some only talk about it if asked and others hide it hoping no one will see it.
I would like my blog to be honest and that is why I’m sharing my heart today. I find it hard to be all that I expect of my self daily. I wake up very early in the morning to get ahead of my own expectations. I’m tired but I do love the mornings and the new feeling of getting a new chance at getting it all done. I do not like to take off time from my passion. I’ve been at Wylie Prep for 10 years and I have only taken off about 8 days. All of these days off were for medical, family or when my daughter got married. So I’m not one to take off for just the day off fun day. I don’t allow my self those kinda days. I do struggle with that but I always just tell myself “to much to do LaTonya move on girl” and off I go to get something else done.
The big struggle in my life is letting God take the wheel. I’m such a hurry up person that sometimes I get in front of God and His plans for me. When I do that I make a total mess of things and find myself running back to my knees and asking for His help. God is so good His grace is so warming in these times of my failure. I take failure very hard I beat myself up for days when I fail and I find it hard to forgive myself. Only in His word do I find peace and understanding for my failures.
My home for the most part is very organized and clean BUT there are those few rooms that are NOT. I have lost over 100lbs. BUT I struggle because I haven’t lost those last few pounds even thought I try so hard every day. I love to teach it is my passion BUT I do find myself struggling with being stretched everyday from minute to minute. There never seems to be enough time in my day to get it all done. My children are so amazing and both have found their own path to walk in life BUT I struggle because I wonder if I would have done things different when they were children under my wing would they have it easier in life. I struggle when I can’t get my to do list done, my OCD takes control and I start to panic and I over focus on one or two things that really don’t have a lot of meaning. Always in the back of my head is my walk with Christ and how I need to focus more on my walk with Him. I struggle with doing for others and stop focusing on myself. There is so many other struggles that lay heavy on me each and everyday but these seem to be what are on my heart today.
Opening up to others about my struggles helps me be human and aware that really my problems are so small. There are people in this life dying and suffering. My issues with getting things done, having a perfect house and worrying seems so small. I do love my life I just need to relax, let go and enjoy the life God has given me. I’M NOT PERFECT NEVER HAVE BEEN NEVER WILL BE!
I’m sure some would say stop crying about your life. This blog was prompted by someone saying to me this week “You have such a perfect life. People like you always come out on top. You never fall hard you only get a little dust on your knees before you are back up” So not true!
I’m just a “hide it so no one will see your struggles” person.
Today I’m going to try to walk a different path, to not worry so much, to get done what I can get done and to praise God I’m alive. I’m going to try to accept things as they happen and not try to make things happen in my order. These are big plans and a tall order for this over organized full of life gal, but I’m gonna try to make this a Blue Happy day no matter what. I hope that your day is a Blue Happy day as well. Go be Blue Happy!
